FFK

Dear all,

Have you have people ffk-ing you? I get that a lot and sometimes I am not even bothered anymore when the same person ask me out again.I understand that you are busy etc but if you are please do not make empty promises and make me treat you like a VIP and waste precious time which I can use for something else instead of waiting for you to tell me or sometimes not even telling me that you cant make it ( usually at the eleventh hour).

So anyone of you have the similar experience? do share with me :)

p/s: was there by chance when people ask you out like out of the blue and you get annoyed because it feels like you are either just by chance along their way or like you are being asked not because they want to but because there are no one else for them to approach ( sth like a extra spare tyre)?

cheers,

Chris C

2012's Cosplay

Dear all,

Comic Fiesta 2012 was cool.So cool that my voice became hoarse at the end of the first day and practically voiceless at the end of the second day..lol!

As things were busy over at the Side Quest ( somewhat like a mini-adventure quest where winner of the quest will get a free lifetime pass to future CF event) booth, not much photos was taken ( actually none at all except a few camwhores..and the lack of my own photos taken was a bit saddening but well, at least I get to have fun).

So far, the experience of cosplaying has been a positive one ( not towards my wallet and bank account though).

1st cosplay ever: Kaito

2nd cosplay: Original Character

3rd

4th

    

5th

So what do you guys think? Personally, I feel that I am getting uglier each day OTL


Yours Truly,

Chris C

Agony

They say each day is a blessing..each moment is to be cherished..

But I don't feel that way..I see only a dark path engraved ahead of me..

The fact that all those sleepless restless nights proved it well..

I can't tell anybody about how I feel..

I can't share the hurt feelings inside me with anybody..

I don't know why but somehow I just can't..

Was it my pride? Was it my fear?

I don't know..I am one step closer to relying on medication to get me through these dark days..

Nothing seemed to matter to me anymore..any moment, I could have gone to waste..

I am tired..tired of all those silent sobbings..tired of all those fake smiles and acts..tired of having to cope with all this and yet pretend to be strong...

Hopelessly hopeless..that's how I would define myself..

Do not apologise because it doesn't help to make things any better...All I can do is to refrain myself from going anywhere near to you..to lessen the pain, to try to release each memories of you from my mind..

The Day When Time Seems to Have Stopped

Without knowingly, the feeling just arises..tears starts flowing involuntarily..invisible hands grasping for the no longer existing missing piece..knees to chest, body rocking to and fro, face upon the folded arms..listening to the fast-paced breath..tasting the saltiness of the falling tears..seeing nothing but a blurry vision which eventually becomes darkness..

Dysfunctional..

Dear All,

So many things happened these few days..I doubt if I can still keep a sane mind or totally lost it sooner or later.

Today was the first day of my final examination for this semester. I wouldn't dare to say that I did well but I think I did whatever I am supposed to do and the rest is up to fate to decide.

Somehow I am still feeling terribly grateful and relieved when the question I am being tested on is related to McKenzie technique rather than the Massage or Peripheral Joint Mobilisation component. Thank You God for your blessings.

Two more days to go with tomorrow being Therapeutic Exercise Strand and Electro Modalities on the day after tomorrow. Hoping to get something which is in my capability.. *prays hard*

Last week, had an argument with my dad. Well, I have never seemed to get along with him anyway. Sometimes what he says does make sense but then I just hate it when he is being long winded and naggy. Moreover, sometimes he just irritates me because as much as his presence in my life is important, I do find it uncomfortable at the same time too.

Then just a day after we argued, I received news from my uncle that he was admitted to the hospital due to a fall..I do suspect that it might be due to him drinking too much prior to the fall since he was talking gibberish the other day when we were arguing through the phone.

I am not sure of his condition but at the moment,he is conscious but sustained injuries at his spine ( not sure which level though..but uncle did mention something about at the cervical neck region)..So currently he is paralysed from the lower extremities in which I am not very sure as well since I have yet to go visit him due to business in exam preparation etc. Anyway, I do hope he is okay and maybe visit him after my last examination. ( Deep inside me, I don't feel like seeing him at all because I don't want another argument to arise but still..sigh..)

As much as I have gotten used to this dysfunction family situation ( mummy one side and daddy another side and being pushed here and there ), sometimes I just get so emotional and abnormal.
After a long time since I last cried, I finally had a quick one yesterday night.Feeling lost and lonely and no one to share this with.

Anyway,for now as Willie told me, it is better to put aside family matters for now and concentrate on my exams instead..At least that is the best solution at the moment.

Well, time to get cracking and going..TE and Electro, I am gonna do my best to get through both of you.

Till then, take care and cheers.

Yours Truly,

Chris C

Letting it go ...

Dear all,

How is your weekend? Is it a lively one or a quiet one like mine?
Somehow I am feeling lost today..not knowing what to do on a Saturday.. wanted to go out but my financial status at the moment does not permit me to do so..

So what did I do today?

- Slept till 12 pm (OMG..I am such a pig but hey, cut me some slack..I need it after having sleepless nights due to assignment and revision )

- Workout in the house..yes, I need to burn off all those calories and fats due to my cookies overindulgence

- Jogging..err,yes again..same reason as above.. ( Somehow I sound like an exercise freak right? But then I am not fit at all *cries* )

- Karaoke session in the evening ( refer to below)

Currently while I'm writing this, I am singing along to one of my favourite song by Sun Yan Zi : 风筝 ( Kite) in my room..Still remember how I used to listen to this song during my secondary school days..bringing back memories of the past..almost cried while singing but managed to hold back those tears..A very touching song indeed..

So, I thought of sharing this song with all of you..hoping that you would enjoy it too..and sing along to it..

Sun Yan Zi - 风筝 ( Kite )




Lyrics :

(Hanyu Pinyin) :

wo bu yao jiang ni duo bang zhu yi miao
wo ye zhi dao tian kong duo mei miao
qing ni ti wo qiao yi qiao

tian shang de feng zheng na er qü liao
yi zha yan bu jian liao
shei ba ta de xian jian duan liao
ni zhi bu zhi dao

cong qian de wo men na er qü liao
lu tai yüan wo wang liao
ru guo ni xiang fei wo ming liao
ni zi you ye hao

kan ni chuan yüe yün duan fei de hen gao
zhan zai shan shang de wo da shen jiao wo
ye xü ni ya bu hui ting dao
ba meng xiang zhao dao yao guo de gen hao

wo bu yao ai qing de di chao
wo hui wei xiao yan lei bu zhun diao
wo hen hao hou lai de ni hao bu hao
ni hui zhi dao wo mei you zou diao

hui yi fei jing feng li liao
tian shang de feng zheng na er qü liao


(English Translation) :

I don't want to keep you tied up for a second more.
I also know how beautiful the sky is.
Please watch after me.

Where did the kite in the sky go?
In the blink of an eye it is nowhere to be seen.
Who cut its string?
Do you know?
What happened to the way we used to be?
The road is too far, I have forgotten.
If you want to fly I understand
It's probably better for you to be free.

Seeing you break through the clouds, flying very high,
standing on top of the mountain, I loudly shout, whoa-oh-oh.
Maybe you won't hear me.
Find your dreams, have a better life.

I don't want love's depression
I will smile, tears are not allowed to fall.
I am fine; the new you, how are you?
You will know I have not left.

The memories have flown into the wind.
Where did the kite in the sky go?

[end]

I know recently I have been posting entries which emits aura of laziness and boredom..sorry about that.. Just felt the need to pour out my thoughts and feelings somewhere since I am not good in expressing myself verbally..but I am still hoping that you guys will still be following me and support me along my journey in this lifetime..

Well,till then..take care and have a nice weekend..

Yours Truly,

Chris C

From Me to Myself and You Pt 1 : Solitude..

Dear All,

Just stumbled upon this song while I am browsing through my music folder..
Somehow felt that I can actually relate myself to this song..
Thus,
I would like to dedicate this song to myself and also to whom it may concern and lastly but not least,all my readers..


一個人生活 (Yi Ge Ren Sheng Huo/Single Life) by 林凡 ( Freya Lin )





LYRICS :

葉子在窗外輕輕爺
ye zi zai chuang wai qing qing ye
The leaves outside of the window are falling down lightly.

人行道沒有行人走過
ren xing dai mei yiu xing ren zou guo
There are no pedestrians passing by the sidewalks.

鏡子裡的我很不像我
jing zi li de hen bu xiang wo
The me inside the mirror does not seem like me.

自從你離開了我變得很軟弱
zi cong ni li kai le wo bian de hen ruan ruo
Ever since you’ve lefted me, (I’ve) became very weak.

你的影子在每一個角落
ni de ying zi zai mei yi ge jiao luo
Your shadows are at every corner,

好像是在提醒著我
hao xiang shi zai ti xing zhe wo
Like it is reminding me

少了你的陪伴我現在有多寂寞
shao le ni de pei ban wo xian zai you duo ji mo
That without your company, the me right now is very lonely.

我想我可以習慣一個人生活
wo xiang wo ke yi xi guan yi ge ren sheng huo
I think I can get use to living alone.

我想我可以假裝不曾愛過
wo xiang wo ke yi jia zhuang bu ceng ai guo
I think I can pretend that I had never been in love before.

冰涼的夜裡讓眼淚溫熱我
bing liang de ye li rang yan lei wen re wo
The warm tears warms me up during this cold night.

感覺如果要走誰能說 no
gan jue ru guo yao zou shei neng shuo no
If (one of us) need to leave, who would say “no”?

我想我可以習慣一個人生活
wo xiang wo ke yi xi guan yi ge ren sheng huo
I think I can get use to living alone.

在記憶裡面擦去你的承諾
zai ji yi li mian ca qu ni de cheng nuo
Erasing your promises in my memories.

愛情怎麼會是這個結果
ai qing zen me hui shi zhe ge jie guo
How can love have this kind of ending?

愛情是個夢而我睡過頭
ai qing shi ge meng er wo shui guo tou
Love is a dream and I’ve overslept.

[END]

*Lyrics courtesy of chinesemusicblog.com


Yours Singly,

Chris C

When Things Crashed Down

Dear All,

I will never ever step my leg into that place again..NEVER..
Somehow I,knew it wasn't a good idea to linger around that place..REGRETS..
and NO..I DON'T enjoy it at all...NOT AT ALL...
In the end of the day..what is left? Anger? Shame? Infidelity? Adultery? Misunderstanding? Blames? Fights? Arguments? Break-ups? Tears...
Feeling Filthy, Dirty and Unclean..
Feeling Betrayed...A trust broken...A relationship jeopardised...All that have been build all this while just crashed down in a blink of an eye..
I am SICK of it..just so not worth it...HATE IT!
Should not have went there in the first place..so much for the experience..with no benefits..
YOU had not known that as much as I am COOL about it,I am also very VULNERABLE at the same time..
All of this is practically relatively new to me..How do you expect me to deal with it?

I am a GONER...Hopeless Case...
Then again, if only I had kept my cool and rationale..
SOLUTION is there..without exaggerating the situation..But all that has been done..Is it too late to reverse the mistake and make amendments? Or is there still a faint glimmer of HOPE for apology and reconciliation?

I admit that I have contribute my part in making things worse by my usual moodiness and silent treatment...BUT...I wished YOU had NOT put WORDS and THOUGHTS in my MIND and MOUTH..and STOP assuming things!
..and GIVE me some TIME and CHANCE to reflect on the situation..

...................All is left is regrets and a broken heart..broken due to the way and the person you think I am..
YOU and ME are both DISAPPOINTMENT to each other..the PROMISE made earlier are now merely another WORDPLAY..
Perhaps it is for the best?

CHRIS C the Traumatised Scarred Soul