Pre-CNY blues

Dear all,

Hows things going for you guys? Hope all's good. Mine is just well, long days, short night..Still jobless and enjoying life with the bank account going red alert..OTL

Anyway, CNY is coming soon like less than 4 days?Usually this is the time of year which I am sorta looking forward to ( Angpau, Goodies etc) but apparently, the situation will be the opposite this year.

Why you ask? Well, for one, I am expecting there will be loads of questions being asked by family and relatives , " Have you gotten a job yet"? "What are your plans now that you have finally graduated after what seems to be forever ( trust me, for some, a 4 years degree feels like 10years..and every year without fail, people will be asking me the same questions as if they are doing some sort of countdowns: "How many years to go?" or "Have you graduated yet?")..not to mention that most cousins around my age have already started working..

As such, I am pretty erm..nervous?anxious?freaking out? for what is to be expected this upcoming CNY..God or whoever up above, make me invisible..

Anyway, I hope that job opportunity would appear after CNY..because I need to resuscitate my dying bank account..so that I can continue buying/funding my hobbies and life.

Shall end this post with this song:  A-Team by Ed Sheeran



Cheers,

Chris C

Yamcha?

Dear all,

I think I am a bad socialiser..a terribly bad one.

When someone ask you out to catch up , to yamcha , to whatever you call it, what do you usually do?

eg: mamak? old town? movie? I dont know. I find all this kinda boring. I don't drink ( alcoholic drinks) nor am I able to come up with interesting topics.In the end, it's like staring at the wall, then back to the person, then shift to the cup, mumble a few words, then the cycle repeats..then pay up and go home.

Somewhat a waste of time.. and money too if you consider the overpriced drinks.

or perhaps it all depends on the company you are with?

I dont know. Just rather stay in and then..do nothing?but at least I am at the comfort of so called "home"..

Share your thoughts~

Yours Boring Hermit,

Chris C

Forget and move on

You know what? Perhaps I should just forget and move on..I am just not too good in socialising with certain type of people..

I am just going to concentrate on what I am supposed to do and not care about the rest..

That's all. Goodbye

13th October's Blues

Dear all,

When the heart starts to get heavy and restless and you don't know what's wrong..


Sigh.

Chris C

Temporary Relief..Unintentional Absence...LOADS of FRUSTRATIONS!!

One burden off my shoulder..the moment I got rid of that bloody FYPs..GOSH!!!Hallelujah!!!! Of course I know it is just a short term relief as there's still the presentation and final practicals..Q.Q

As much as I want to update my blog,the lack of access to Internet renders me helpless..Stupid inefficient people from the Internet company keeps delaying the date of installation..and now I can only get back my Internet Connection at home on Saturday, that's even if things manage to go well as planned..or I will be wringing some necks over the next few days..

I am amazed that I actually managed to survive without any Internet during my early school days but now? I feel like dying every moment..I feel so out of touch with everybody around me..like I am stranded in some sort of island or something..somebody please just rescue me!!

I feel sorry for my readers for constantly having to put up with my bitching whining all the time but trust me, I seldom complain unless if it necessary for me to do so..and this is urgent..so now I am stuck at the campus utilising the lousy snail line which threatened to block me out because apparently I  " Exceeded the quota or something"..WTF..since when the public Internet line have got a quota system????? Mahsa, you gotta do better than this man...I am not paying a whole load of sum of money for this kind of facilities..it's not as if I am purchasing a cheap drink at McDs and leeching the WI-FI..this is a COLLEGE ( which got upgraded to University status recently but (spits saliva)...seriously doesn't even deserve that kind of upgrades)..so you should ensure that there is ADEQUATE Internet connection for your students!!!! Good thing that I am done with my FYP or else I would be committing suicide due to inability to access any journals with this crappy line.

Sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh .....I miss the people around me..

H.E.L.P.

SOMEBODY
 
   ANYBODY

        PLEASE

               HELP
           
                      ME

                           !
                           
                           !

YOURS TRULY
                            ,

CHRIS
     
            C THE

                 DESPO

                        ONE....




             

2000++ more to go!!!

Dear All,

Imma exhausted...

Progress very very slow..tortoise-like speed...

Too many distractions..too many flirtations..

But I shall keep holding on, keep calm and type on..

I need a long long long vacation once all this is over...........seriously!

Till then,

Yours truly,

Chris C the exhausted one

p/s: I can hear thunder!! gonna rain soon!!

The Bitch

Dear all,

Now that I am in my final year, things are getting tougher and stress is building up intermittently that I have no idea if I am able to handle it.

Incompetency and also bad communication skills leads to a bad outcome and being the hot tempered me, I practically just lashed out but not on purpose. I guess I need some anger management session.

and then...


Comes this girl whom I have been standing up to, been giving advice to, been helping out whenever I can..Just a single word from her horse mouth during my most down hour makes things even worse. I am going to label her as "the bitch".

I don't understand how some people can be so dense, so inconsiderate.  Yes, I know part of it is my fault and I should have handled the situation in a more matured way but some things are just too much and deprived of all the emotional support, I am practically just a ticking time bomb waiting to explode anytime soon.

Being selfish is not a sin but a way to survive in this harsh world but of course as a last resort when every single aspect have been considerate with the less possible damage.

Oh well, I don't know but I am for sure won't be one who forgives easily anymore..

p/s: hey bitch, fuck you!

The pissed one,

Chris C

Gone

Within a second in a blink of the eye, things changed..just like that without me realising it..A mistake done by the foolish me guided by the irrational bout of emotion..it's gone..feelings changed but the emptiness remains....

Everything I see..I see you..the ache inside just won't go away..It's silly but why do we always fall for the wrong one and push away the right one..

It's a lonely Christmas and an even more lonelier Birthday Celebration..my hands were empty when I stare at them when in fact, there should be your hands holding it but now that it is all illusion..

Tears won't fall but deep inside, it is bleeding...I wished I could have told you that but then my voice just wouldn't reach your ears.

Silently I send my love to you hoping to get your attention even if it is for a brief moment..
Wondering if the image of me ever cross your mind or if I am just another insignificant presence in your life..

I shall now cry and sleep in a sorrowful slumber..

Tears

Silently crying myself to sleep every night..

No one knows..

Only me..

5th October 2011

Dear All,

I am doing my best to be strong and independent. I am trying my level best to spend each day in a positive manner. Keep going forward but never backward.

Yours Truly,
Chris C

Agony

They say each day is a blessing..each moment is to be cherished..

But I don't feel that way..I see only a dark path engraved ahead of me..

The fact that all those sleepless restless nights proved it well..

I can't tell anybody about how I feel..

I can't share the hurt feelings inside me with anybody..

I don't know why but somehow I just can't..

Was it my pride? Was it my fear?

I don't know..I am one step closer to relying on medication to get me through these dark days..

Nothing seemed to matter to me anymore..any moment, I could have gone to waste..

I am tired..tired of all those silent sobbings..tired of all those fake smiles and acts..tired of having to cope with all this and yet pretend to be strong...

Hopelessly hopeless..that's how I would define myself..

Do not apologise because it doesn't help to make things any better...All I can do is to refrain myself from going anywhere near to you..to lessen the pain, to try to release each memories of you from my mind..

The Day When Time Seems to Have Stopped

Without knowingly, the feeling just arises..tears starts flowing involuntarily..invisible hands grasping for the no longer existing missing piece..knees to chest, body rocking to and fro, face upon the folded arms..listening to the fast-paced breath..tasting the saltiness of the falling tears..seeing nothing but a blurry vision which eventually becomes darkness..

Already Gone

Just another end..Doesn't matter because we are always meant to say goodbye anyway.
Either way,life must go on..
Thank you for the experience and memory..

Shit Happens!

Dear All,

Guess what?! I have just been pickpocketed!! *FML* and of all the time..(T.T)

While hearing about all this happening to others and so,never did it once occurred to me that I will fall victim to such incident..

And I was looking so much forward to going back home tomorrow and this happen..say goodbye to my bus ticket and all my important documents in my wallet and not to mention the big sum of cash in it too (T.T)

I will never take the KTM anymore!!!! Never!!!! I rather walk a mile and spend extra than to go through all this miserable shit..how I wish this is all a bad dream and I will just wake up and things are all back to normal..

Btw, this theft happened at the Midvalley KTM station! I hate my life..

:(

From Me to Myself pt.4

Dear Me,

I am dedicating this to you! >:(

Jet- Look What You've Done

Take my photo off the wall
If it just won't sing for you
'Cause all that's left has gone away
And there's nothing there for you to prove

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems likes such fun
Until you lose what you had won

Give me back my point of view
'Cause I just can't think for you
I can hardly hear you say
What should I do, well you choose

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems likes such fun
Until you lose what you had won

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
A fool of everyone
A fool of everyone

Take my photo off the wall
If it just won't sing for you
'Cause all that's left has gone away
And there's nothing there for you to do

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems likes such fun
Until you lose what you had won

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
A fool of everyone
A fool of everyone

[End]


From your other self.

Fear

Dear All,

Of all my phobias, the worse one gotta be AUTOPHOBIA which is the fear of being alone..
Ironically, eventhough I am a silent soul, sometimes silence scares me which means I too have develop SEDATEPHOBIA over time..

All I need is a touch of comfort and reassurance that everything is fine and I am not alone..




Yours,

Chris C the silent loner

Lonely Breeze

A quiet windy Sunday...
Every breeze combined with the deafening silence only serves to remind me of loneliness and despair...
A one person's fear of being alone...
and nobody knows it but me...

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! GIMME MY GLAMOUROUS DAYS!!

Dear all,

Why is it that my life gets more miserable each day??? Can't I at least have a moment of peace!! Being a student is just as stressful as being a white/blue collared worker..

2 assignments to be handed up and I have yet to complete any one....and now there's something wrong with my laptop...somehow I am unable to connect myself to any wi-fi network and even if I do, it is a limited connectivity which means I still can't get access to Internet! Luckily, I am still able to surf the net through my broadband which I thought of terminating since there's better internet connection at my place.

Stressssssful indeed!! Exhausted mentally and physically! (T.T) I want a peaceful glamorous day!!





Your Emoness,
CHris C

Do you?

What do you know about me?

We laughed, We chatted , We ate, We slept...We did everything together..but what exactly do you know about me?

Do you know the time when I quietly wept myself to sleep?

Do you know the time when I almost lose myself and my will to keep living?

Do you know the loneliness and sorrow which I tried to hide behind the smile of mine?

Do you? Do you?