Dysfunctional..

Dear All,

So many things happened these few days..I doubt if I can still keep a sane mind or totally lost it sooner or later.

Today was the first day of my final examination for this semester. I wouldn't dare to say that I did well but I think I did whatever I am supposed to do and the rest is up to fate to decide.

Somehow I am still feeling terribly grateful and relieved when the question I am being tested on is related to McKenzie technique rather than the Massage or Peripheral Joint Mobilisation component. Thank You God for your blessings.

Two more days to go with tomorrow being Therapeutic Exercise Strand and Electro Modalities on the day after tomorrow. Hoping to get something which is in my capability.. *prays hard*

Last week, had an argument with my dad. Well, I have never seemed to get along with him anyway. Sometimes what he says does make sense but then I just hate it when he is being long winded and naggy. Moreover, sometimes he just irritates me because as much as his presence in my life is important, I do find it uncomfortable at the same time too.

Then just a day after we argued, I received news from my uncle that he was admitted to the hospital due to a fall..I do suspect that it might be due to him drinking too much prior to the fall since he was talking gibberish the other day when we were arguing through the phone.

I am not sure of his condition but at the moment,he is conscious but sustained injuries at his spine ( not sure which level though..but uncle did mention something about at the cervical neck region)..So currently he is paralysed from the lower extremities in which I am not very sure as well since I have yet to go visit him due to business in exam preparation etc. Anyway, I do hope he is okay and maybe visit him after my last examination. ( Deep inside me, I don't feel like seeing him at all because I don't want another argument to arise but still..sigh..)

As much as I have gotten used to this dysfunction family situation ( mummy one side and daddy another side and being pushed here and there ), sometimes I just get so emotional and abnormal.
After a long time since I last cried, I finally had a quick one yesterday night.Feeling lost and lonely and no one to share this with.

Anyway,for now as Willie told me, it is better to put aside family matters for now and concentrate on my exams instead..At least that is the best solution at the moment.

Well, time to get cracking and going..TE and Electro, I am gonna do my best to get through both of you.

Till then, take care and cheers.

Yours Truly,

Chris C

Letting it go ...

Dear all,

How is your weekend? Is it a lively one or a quiet one like mine?
Somehow I am feeling lost today..not knowing what to do on a Saturday.. wanted to go out but my financial status at the moment does not permit me to do so..

So what did I do today?

- Slept till 12 pm (OMG..I am such a pig but hey, cut me some slack..I need it after having sleepless nights due to assignment and revision )

- Workout in the house..yes, I need to burn off all those calories and fats due to my cookies overindulgence

- Jogging..err,yes again..same reason as above.. ( Somehow I sound like an exercise freak right? But then I am not fit at all *cries* )

- Karaoke session in the evening ( refer to below)

Currently while I'm writing this, I am singing along to one of my favourite song by Sun Yan Zi : 风筝 ( Kite) in my room..Still remember how I used to listen to this song during my secondary school days..bringing back memories of the past..almost cried while singing but managed to hold back those tears..A very touching song indeed..

So, I thought of sharing this song with all of you..hoping that you would enjoy it too..and sing along to it..

Sun Yan Zi - 风筝 ( Kite )




Lyrics :

(Hanyu Pinyin) :

wo bu yao jiang ni duo bang zhu yi miao
wo ye zhi dao tian kong duo mei miao
qing ni ti wo qiao yi qiao

tian shang de feng zheng na er qü liao
yi zha yan bu jian liao
shei ba ta de xian jian duan liao
ni zhi bu zhi dao

cong qian de wo men na er qü liao
lu tai yüan wo wang liao
ru guo ni xiang fei wo ming liao
ni zi you ye hao

kan ni chuan yüe yün duan fei de hen gao
zhan zai shan shang de wo da shen jiao wo
ye xü ni ya bu hui ting dao
ba meng xiang zhao dao yao guo de gen hao

wo bu yao ai qing de di chao
wo hui wei xiao yan lei bu zhun diao
wo hen hao hou lai de ni hao bu hao
ni hui zhi dao wo mei you zou diao

hui yi fei jing feng li liao
tian shang de feng zheng na er qü liao


(English Translation) :

I don't want to keep you tied up for a second more.
I also know how beautiful the sky is.
Please watch after me.

Where did the kite in the sky go?
In the blink of an eye it is nowhere to be seen.
Who cut its string?
Do you know?
What happened to the way we used to be?
The road is too far, I have forgotten.
If you want to fly I understand
It's probably better for you to be free.

Seeing you break through the clouds, flying very high,
standing on top of the mountain, I loudly shout, whoa-oh-oh.
Maybe you won't hear me.
Find your dreams, have a better life.

I don't want love's depression
I will smile, tears are not allowed to fall.
I am fine; the new you, how are you?
You will know I have not left.

The memories have flown into the wind.
Where did the kite in the sky go?

[end]

I know recently I have been posting entries which emits aura of laziness and boredom..sorry about that.. Just felt the need to pour out my thoughts and feelings somewhere since I am not good in expressing myself verbally..but I am still hoping that you guys will still be following me and support me along my journey in this lifetime..

Well,till then..take care and have a nice weekend..

Yours Truly,

Chris C

No more teary days..

Dear all,

Please...if you are reading this..please try to visualise a scene of you smacking my head..no,im not into masochism..don't get me wrong! I just need some motivation to do my assignment which is due in FOUR more days even if it got to be the hard way...(=3=)

I am just trying my best to pick up all the broken pieces of myself scattered all over to move on to another phase in my life..No longer do I care about the past..If possible,I wouldn't want to remember them at all even if there are sweet moments here and then..

Look forward..look forward..march on..march on..Be someone I can be proud of..and this,I would need your help..walk with me in this journey of a silent soul...

Not much to write at the moment.But a brief update will be that I have moved to my new place..this would be my 2nd week here and so far,everything is fine..=) But somehow,the depression doesn't really go away so I am still trying hard.Do wish me luck!!

and I need to get a part time job badly..as soon as examination and posting is done..no long break for me I guess...sigh~

I shall end this post with a music video and it's lyrics..Originally sung by the band " The Cure", this is a current version covered by a Brazilian singer , Jay Vaquer..Hope you would enjoy this song.."Boys don't cry"

BOYS DON'T CRY BY JAY VAQUER




LYRICS:

I would say I'm sorry,
If I thought that it would change your mind.
But I know that this time,
I have said too much,
Been too unkind...

I tried to laugh about it,
Cover it all up with lies.
I tried to laugh about it,
Hiding the tears in my eyes.
Cause boys don't cry.
Boys don't cry.

I would break down at your feet,
And beg forgiveness,
Plead with you.
But I know that it's too late,
And now there's nothing I can do...

So I tried to laugh about it,
Cover it all up with lies.
I tried to laugh about it,
Hiding the tears in my eyes.
Cause boys don't cry.
Boys don't cry.

I would tell you,
That I loved you,
If I thought that you would stay.
But I know that it's no use,
That you've already,
Gone away...

Misjudged your limit,
Pushed you too far,
Took you for granted,
I thought that you needed me more...

Now I would do most anything,
To get you back by my side.
But I just keep on laughing,
Hiding the tears in my eyes,
Cause boys don't cry.
Boys don't cry.
Boys don't cry...

[END]

Till then,take care and have a good day ahead.

Lots of love from yours truly,

Chris C

Moving forward

Dear All,

Finally we are reaching the last day of October..Merely 3 months to go till we bid farewell to year 2010.

Today will also be my last day staying at the campus hostel..I am finally moving out..let's just hope that everything will turn out well and even better once I am at the new place..and also that I will get along with the new roommate whom I don't even know well.

Things are kind of busy here at the moment..I still have one assignment to rush (*Procrastination*) and loads of practice for my upcoming examination.Do pray that this silent lil' dreamer get through all of this smoothly..(>o<)

Life is meant to be tough isn't it? Eversince the departure of *you*, I have not had the courage to love another..but I am trying hard to convince myself that I am content with being alone for now..Priorities boy..Priorities!!

Anyhow,I am moving forward..to the unknown future but I think that I will be alright as long I have all of you by my side..so please stay and don't leave me alone.

I shall end this post with a modified nursery rhyme in conjunction of Halloween which is today.

" Hickory Dickory Dock,
We shouted "OMG"! ,
The clock struck twelve ,
All ghost came out,
Hickory Dickory Dock" ~ Happy Halloween Folks!

Hmm... I love a certain part of a word in this rhyme..*hee*..see if you can guess it right..

Till then, take care and lots of greetings from:

Yours Truly,
Chris C

Death

Sometimes, I just loved the idea of being dead.
A relief, an escape from this chaotic world.
Can I end my life now?
Surely nobody would miss my absence.

From Me to Myself and You Pt 1 : Solitude..

Dear All,

Just stumbled upon this song while I am browsing through my music folder..
Somehow felt that I can actually relate myself to this song..
Thus,
I would like to dedicate this song to myself and also to whom it may concern and lastly but not least,all my readers..


一個人生活 (Yi Ge Ren Sheng Huo/Single Life) by 林凡 ( Freya Lin )





LYRICS :

葉子在窗外輕輕爺
ye zi zai chuang wai qing qing ye
The leaves outside of the window are falling down lightly.

人行道沒有行人走過
ren xing dai mei yiu xing ren zou guo
There are no pedestrians passing by the sidewalks.

鏡子裡的我很不像我
jing zi li de hen bu xiang wo
The me inside the mirror does not seem like me.

自從你離開了我變得很軟弱
zi cong ni li kai le wo bian de hen ruan ruo
Ever since you’ve lefted me, (I’ve) became very weak.

你的影子在每一個角落
ni de ying zi zai mei yi ge jiao luo
Your shadows are at every corner,

好像是在提醒著我
hao xiang shi zai ti xing zhe wo
Like it is reminding me

少了你的陪伴我現在有多寂寞
shao le ni de pei ban wo xian zai you duo ji mo
That without your company, the me right now is very lonely.

我想我可以習慣一個人生活
wo xiang wo ke yi xi guan yi ge ren sheng huo
I think I can get use to living alone.

我想我可以假裝不曾愛過
wo xiang wo ke yi jia zhuang bu ceng ai guo
I think I can pretend that I had never been in love before.

冰涼的夜裡讓眼淚溫熱我
bing liang de ye li rang yan lei wen re wo
The warm tears warms me up during this cold night.

感覺如果要走誰能說 no
gan jue ru guo yao zou shei neng shuo no
If (one of us) need to leave, who would say “no”?

我想我可以習慣一個人生活
wo xiang wo ke yi xi guan yi ge ren sheng huo
I think I can get use to living alone.

在記憶裡面擦去你的承諾
zai ji yi li mian ca qu ni de cheng nuo
Erasing your promises in my memories.

愛情怎麼會是這個結果
ai qing zen me hui shi zhe ge jie guo
How can love have this kind of ending?

愛情是個夢而我睡過頭
ai qing shi ge meng er wo shui guo tou
Love is a dream and I’ve overslept.

[END]

*Lyrics courtesy of chinesemusicblog.com


Yours Singly,

Chris C

.........

There are moments when you feel so lost and start to breakdown gradually and when all you want to do is to shout and cry aloud like nobody's business...This is the kind of moment I am currently facing....