Acceptance

An apology accepted.
A second chance granted.
Thank you.

With love,

Chris C

Gone

Within a second in a blink of the eye, things changed..just like that without me realising it..A mistake done by the foolish me guided by the irrational bout of emotion..it's gone..feelings changed but the emptiness remains....

Everything I see..I see you..the ache inside just won't go away..It's silly but why do we always fall for the wrong one and push away the right one..

It's a lonely Christmas and an even more lonelier Birthday Celebration..my hands were empty when I stare at them when in fact, there should be your hands holding it but now that it is all illusion..

Tears won't fall but deep inside, it is bleeding...I wished I could have told you that but then my voice just wouldn't reach your ears.

Silently I send my love to you hoping to get your attention even if it is for a brief moment..
Wondering if the image of me ever cross your mind or if I am just another insignificant presence in your life..

I shall now cry and sleep in a sorrowful slumber..

Glow

Dear All,

Long time since I stepped in here once again..a long hiatus..so many things to say yet no words would come out..

GLOW by Hatsune Miku



Yours,

Chris C

Tears

Silently crying myself to sleep every night..

No one knows..

Only me..

5th October 2011

Dear All,

I am doing my best to be strong and independent. I am trying my level best to spend each day in a positive manner. Keep going forward but never backward.

Yours Truly,
Chris C

Tired

I am honestly feeling very tired and demotivated..

Can someone please motivate me..let me get back into track..I have been slacking too much..books untouched..knowledge not gained..things are just stagnant..no improvement..

I feel like dying.

Agony

They say each day is a blessing..each moment is to be cherished..

But I don't feel that way..I see only a dark path engraved ahead of me..

The fact that all those sleepless restless nights proved it well..

I can't tell anybody about how I feel..

I can't share the hurt feelings inside me with anybody..

I don't know why but somehow I just can't..

Was it my pride? Was it my fear?

I don't know..I am one step closer to relying on medication to get me through these dark days..

Nothing seemed to matter to me anymore..any moment, I could have gone to waste..

I am tired..tired of all those silent sobbings..tired of all those fake smiles and acts..tired of having to cope with all this and yet pretend to be strong...

Hopelessly hopeless..that's how I would define myself..

Do not apologise because it doesn't help to make things any better...All I can do is to refrain myself from going anywhere near to you..to lessen the pain, to try to release each memories of you from my mind..

The Day When Time Seems to Have Stopped

Without knowingly, the feeling just arises..tears starts flowing involuntarily..invisible hands grasping for the no longer existing missing piece..knees to chest, body rocking to and fro, face upon the folded arms..listening to the fast-paced breath..tasting the saltiness of the falling tears..seeing nothing but a blurry vision which eventually becomes darkness..

Already Gone

Just another end..Doesn't matter because we are always meant to say goodbye anyway.
Either way,life must go on..
Thank you for the experience and memory..

Shit Happens!

Dear All,

Guess what?! I have just been pickpocketed!! *FML* and of all the time..(T.T)

While hearing about all this happening to others and so,never did it once occurred to me that I will fall victim to such incident..

And I was looking so much forward to going back home tomorrow and this happen..say goodbye to my bus ticket and all my important documents in my wallet and not to mention the big sum of cash in it too (T.T)

I will never take the KTM anymore!!!! Never!!!! I rather walk a mile and spend extra than to go through all this miserable shit..how I wish this is all a bad dream and I will just wake up and things are all back to normal..

Btw, this theft happened at the Midvalley KTM station! I hate my life..

:(

From Me to Myself pt.4

Dear Me,

I am dedicating this to you! >:(

Jet- Look What You've Done

Take my photo off the wall
If it just won't sing for you
'Cause all that's left has gone away
And there's nothing there for you to prove

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems likes such fun
Until you lose what you had won

Give me back my point of view
'Cause I just can't think for you
I can hardly hear you say
What should I do, well you choose

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems likes such fun
Until you lose what you had won

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
A fool of everyone
A fool of everyone

Take my photo off the wall
If it just won't sing for you
'Cause all that's left has gone away
And there's nothing there for you to do

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems likes such fun
Until you lose what you had won

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
A fool of everyone
A fool of everyone

[End]


From your other self.

Fear

Dear All,

Of all my phobias, the worse one gotta be AUTOPHOBIA which is the fear of being alone..
Ironically, eventhough I am a silent soul, sometimes silence scares me which means I too have develop SEDATEPHOBIA over time..

All I need is a touch of comfort and reassurance that everything is fine and I am not alone..




Yours,

Chris C the silent loner

If...

Dear All,

I have always loved this poem since the first day I came across it during my English lesson when I was in my secondary school..not sure if it's form 1 or 2..Just want to share it with all of you and may you find joy in reading it as well :)


IF- Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

[END]


Yours,
Chris C

A melody of Defeat or A melody of Hope?

Temporary liberation..What choices made must not be regretted..Life is all about looking forward..moving on to another phase...

Chris C

Lonely Breeze

A quiet windy Sunday...
Every breeze combined with the deafening silence only serves to remind me of loneliness and despair...
A one person's fear of being alone...
and nobody knows it but me...

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! GIMME MY GLAMOUROUS DAYS!!

Dear all,

Why is it that my life gets more miserable each day??? Can't I at least have a moment of peace!! Being a student is just as stressful as being a white/blue collared worker..

2 assignments to be handed up and I have yet to complete any one....and now there's something wrong with my laptop...somehow I am unable to connect myself to any wi-fi network and even if I do, it is a limited connectivity which means I still can't get access to Internet! Luckily, I am still able to surf the net through my broadband which I thought of terminating since there's better internet connection at my place.

Stressssssful indeed!! Exhausted mentally and physically! (T.T) I want a peaceful glamorous day!!





Your Emoness,
CHris C

July's Rhapsody

Dear all,

5th posting have been successfully completed! and for once, I felt so happy and at home during clinical postings..Erm,okay, I admit it does help a lot that this posting is at the place which I grew up and stuff..lol..So in a way, one is feeling familiar with the surroundings. But, what matters is that the physiotherapists and staffs at HTAR's Physio department are really friendly and are willing to teach..:) Lots of gratitude and appreciation to them.It's a little unfortunate that I do not have any photos to upload here at the moment but I shall update them in the future.

So now since I am having a so-called 2 weeks duration of "sem break", which doesn't feel like one because I have still got two assignments due in less than two weeks..*FML*.. Screw it though, I need a break and I need the comfort of home!! Here I am back at hometown~

There's been some minor renovation going on around the house :) In conjunction of Transformers 3 I suppose..but of course can't undergo full major transformation...$$ not enough.. (><'').. Hmm, I think that's all for now.. Will end this post with a instrumental song which I find really relaxing.." Eria, the Water Maiden" from Final Fantasy 3.






Till then, cheers~

Chris C

5th Clinical Placement - Week 1

Dear All,

The usual annually event is back: Clinical Postings! and now that I am in my 3rd year, 1st semester, this time it will be my 5th one..whereabout? Hospital Tengku Ampuan Rahimah(HTAR) @ Klang, Selangor.

The environment there isn't too bad and the physiotherapist there are pretty helpful and willing to guide as well as teach unlike the few previous clinical postings.

Workload-wise wasn't too bad but I supposed that was because I am at the wards on the first week..But as usual, time is never enough due to my tendency to spend lots of time on one patient before moving on to the next one which is pretty inefficient.Sigh~ Blame my soft-heartedness.

Anyway, three more weeks to go and also I am feeling miserable, thanks to the double killer assignments as well as my personal problem which bothers me now and then..

Shall stop here for now.See ya peeps.

Yours Truly,

Chris C

Do you?

What do you know about me?

We laughed, We chatted , We ate, We slept...We did everything together..but what exactly do you know about me?

Do you know the time when I quietly wept myself to sleep?

Do you know the time when I almost lose myself and my will to keep living?

Do you know the loneliness and sorrow which I tried to hide behind the smile of mine?

Do you? Do you?

If you ever ever ever....

Dear all,

I am not really a big fan of K-pop but I can't help but to get myself so addicted to this particular song: " Shampoo " by AfterSchool

Here's the video and I hope that you guys enjoy it too..



Yours Truly,

Chris C

No Shame, No Guilt...Just Love

Dear All,

Is it a sin to be different from others? Even when deep inside, we are all made of the same substance of flesh and bones...

Watch this and think..



Why discriminate? I don't, Do you?



Cheers,

Chris C

Peek-A-Boo!

Dear All,

I suppose it isn't too surprising given the fact that I have the tendency to disappear without a trace. If you are following my blog, I am sure you would have known by now..lol

Well, by chance, I decided to post something to update this already nearly dead blog.

My life couldn't get anymore hectic and chaotic at the moment..With 3 assignments which I have no idea where and how to begin , as well as work and personal matter to juggle around, you can imagine me running around without adequate sleep or rest with time and finance resources running low..

Not to mention that I have not been sticking to my strict diet and exercise regime like I used to..so now you have a panda eyed hippo sitting down typing all this stuffs at this very minute.

Then again, I am still kind of proud to say that I completed around 5 books ( of a duration of 2 months) even when during my busiest moment..

Books read:

I)The Belgariad Book #2: Queen of Sorcery

II) Kitchen Chinese

III) The Blue Notebook

IV) The Magdalena Curse



V) Chronicler of the Winds

and currently reading : Julie & Julia

Hmm..somehow Blogger has gone hullabaloo..It took me a few attempts to publish this particular post..Owh well, at least , I managed to get it through now...

Guess I will stop here for now..cheers and have a good one.

Yours,

Chris C the busy stressful bookworm